Luckily, there are all kinds of cool and important things to look forward to in 2018 to mitigate all of the things you’ll inevitably come to loathe and dread as the year progresses.
So next time someone says, “Do we really have to go on living for another whole YEAR?” comfort them by mentioning these existence-friendly events, innovations and observances.
Once every four years, the global powers of the world band together in an ongoing diplomatic effort to decide what, exactly, curling is and how it ever became a thing people did. 2018’s festivities will take over the city of PyeongChang, South Korea, for two weeks in February. One extremely chill story to look out for: The women’s Nigerian (!) bobsled (!!) team will compete
, marking the first-ever time (!!!) the African nation is represented at the Winter Games. GET THEM A MOVIE NOW.
2. A royal wedding
Prince Harry and literal American dream Meghan Markle will get hitched in May
. Reports are, it will be an intimate, casual ceremony at a rustic little chapel in Windsor Castle. Just your typical pastoral burlap-and-mason jar fête, you know. For Americans, it’s a fantastic excuse to wear a funny hat and drink alcohol before noon. As is tradition, the Brits will pretend not to care, but the sudden boom in royal wedding-themed collectible plates and caganers
will prove otherwise.
3. Really, really good movies
If you want to make the most of 2018, you should probably just glue yourself to a movie theater seat. “Black Panther” comes for your soul in February, and anything it leaves behind will surely be snatched up by “Avengers: Infinity War” in May. Elsewhere, “A Wrinkle in Time” drops in March, “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” comes out in June and — this is the one you’ve all been waiting for — the awkward conclusion of the deeply unsexy “Fifty Shades” oeuvre will grace theaters in February, just months before it’s scheduled to show up in one of our 3 a.m. self-loathing Netflix binges.
4. The “Frozen” musical
“Frozen” hype is an infinitely renewable resource, and next year the feature-length earworm will come TO BROADWAYYY! While this is very exciting and cool, please remember to be safe. Seek immediate medical help for a “Let It Go” singalong lasting more than four hours.
5. The World Cup
Just because we’re not GOING doesn’t mean we can’t have a GOOD TIME, okay? This is like the royal wedding of soccer. We are not invited, it has nothing to do with us, but we’ll still wear silly hats and cheer like the loud, spectacle-loving people we are. Mark your calendars and choose your teams, America. June and July belong to the World (minus us) Cup.
6. Regular people going to the moon
In 2018, Silicon Valley startup Moon Express (slogan: “The Moon is Me”) says it’ll “definitely” land a craft on the moon, paving the way for a generation of rich space casuals to populate it like it’s the latest trendy New York City borough. If Moon Mission is successful, it would be the first private company to land a craft on the moon. The company’s final goal? To get folks on the moon and mine it for natural resources.
If this sounds like literal reach-for-the-moon talk, take this quote from Moon Express’ Chairman, Naveen Jain, as a chaser:
“We are really looking good and we are still hoping to launch the lander next year,” Jain told CNBC in November. “And when we launch and land on the moon, not only (do) we become the first company to do so, we actually symbolically become the fourth superpower.”
7. Must-see TV
It’ll be a good year to vegetate in front of your television or chosen device if and when reality gets unbearable. Steel yourself for more “Black Mirror” and “A Handmaid’s Tale,” as well as the last season of “Veep,” the return of “Westworld” and [checks giant Mayan calendar] Season 16 of “American Idol.”
Some noteworthy new shows to look out for: ” Black Lightning,” a “Dynasty” reboot and “The Alienist.”
8. Petting a headless robot cat and shaming yourself into eating better